Firefly says it all...

So with all the buzz about Osama bin Laden's death, I've decided to post about entirely personal matters having nothing at all to do with the world at large.

Since that's all I ever post about anyways, I'm sure you'll understand.

Well it's happened again. I can't say I didn't see it coming but I certainly didn't see it coming quite so soon and from the direction it came from.

What I'm referring to is the end of my relationship with one Nathan D.

I honestly thought things were going well. We'd had lots of rough patches but lately things had sort of evened out. This past week had been stressful, what with me studying for my biochemistry final (pretty sure I did well on it), not to mention the weekend before we had our Easter's at our respective families' homes meaning not much time spent together, but all in all I thought we were okay.

Then on Sunday I got a phone call informing me that "we needed to talk, about our relationship." And of course my first thought is Holy shit, he's going to break up with me!?

So he came over and told me all the reasons why we should break up and how I'd been unhappy lately (news to me) and how that made him unhappy and so on and so forth. So when I informed him that I'd had no idea, that I hadn't expected this at all, he looked surprised and told me that he thought I'd been feeling the same way and that this discussion would end with a "mutual decision to break up."

The talks continued and then his statements started turning into reasons why we shouldn't break up and it was like he changed his mind after realizing I wasn't prepared for this discussion.

Almost like he was chickening out of a decision he'd already come to terms with (oh yeah and apparently he'd been planning this chat for the past two days, at least he waited until after my exam to drop the bomb).

So now he's talking about continuing on, without actually addressing any of the issues he'd brought up for why we should break up.

I wasn't having it, I was tired, cramping, sad, confused, surprised, angry, and upset and he just wanted to get home so he could let his dog out (we'd been talking for around 3 hours at this point). So I hugged him, said goodbye, and went to my computer to play World of Warcraft for a few hours. Therapeutic.

He starts an MSN chat conversation with me, and asks if I've decided yet. Of course he's referring to if I've decided if we're staying together or breaking up. So this whole discussion which he initiated is now my responsibility. So I have to be the bad guy. Well I replied as though he had asked me about my WoW character, and he told me to not skirt around the issue because Chris was waiting for him to watch an episode of Dr. Who! Yea, thanks a whole FREAKING lot, because you should rush the person who's deciding whether or not she wants to do what you told her you were going to do (break up) or if she's going to keep wasting your time on her instead of being on the market looking for your soulmate (his words, harshly paraphrased from our earlier discussion about why we should break up).

So I was more than a little upset that he would be so callous about it, not to mention already emotionally raw from the afternoon's events, and so I replied "you wanted a mutual break up, you got it"

And that was it.

So I guess I broke up with him, but it left me feeling very very dumped.

I can't help but be reminded that it was so very close to a year ago that I was also very very dumped.

And so dumped little ol' me is now whining about it on the internet, instead of doing something productive like folding the mountain of (newly washed) laundry.

Our first date, ironically enough, was exactly one month after buttface dumped me, on May 14th. Of course we had a period in the middle of the summer where we broke up again but from mid-August until now we were very much together. And now I have to figure out how to live my new life without him in it, no puppy, no kittens, no driving to New Hope, no watching Dexter together, it's all going to change and I just wasn't ready for it.

It almost feels like when I procrastinated so badly on my 3rd biochemistry exam and now it's test time and my unpreparedness has left me stressed, confused, and terrified. Eventually I guess I'll get over it and accept it but right now? Well, right now I'm upset. Accept it.