Tonight, December 31, 2008 my dog Jasmine Angel died. I've gone through a dozen tissues and I must be dehydrated by now from all the crying I've done but I need to get it off my chest and I don't know how else to do it. It also provides a nice distraction to try to help me keep from breaking down again.

It's really hard though, considering my email and a lot of my user names (this blog included) are "jazgirl87" and that was what I made in 6th grade named after my new puppy, Jasmine (or Jazzy).

http://www.cutewithchris.com/jazzy.html

That link is from this winter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7j6iC0PrB0

That one I made about a year ago just for the hell of it.

I feel like I'm dying. She was fine! She acted fine I just took her on a walk the other day, last night I took one of mom's couch pillows off the couch and put it on the floor for her to sleep on, she's been fine!

She got sick earlier today, but I was working at Culver's from 10-4. Finally they took her to the vet where it was discovered that she ate a baseball and part of the leather covering was stuck in the valve between her stomach and small intestine which made everything stop up. So she went in for surgery. While she was in surgery the vet found that it wasn't just the baseball, she had a giant tumor wrapped around her intestine and her pancreas and it was completely blocking the valve... inoperable. We went to the vet clinic and she was still under and then they put her down. Euthanized her. It was horrible. I didn't even get to see her today. She didn't get to go to sleep with her family around her, she was anesthetized with the vet before her surgery.

It's so wrong. It's unfair. She was only 10, she had plenty of time left! How come others get to keep their pets longer. I can't stop crying.

How cold is this, typing this in a blog. I'm in so much pain right now I'm actually starting to go numb. My hands shake, I keep having to retype things. Some people aren't that close to their pets, they wouldn't understand why I'm being like this. But she was part of our family. She was the baby, the hunting buddy, the one who was always there if you were upset and needed a friendly lick on the face. I pleaded with my parents for months to let me get a dog until finally we got Jazzy. Then she became my best friend. She didn't change her mind, grow a different personality, fall in with a different crowd she was always there.

And she was just fine! It's not fair that she's gone. It makes me want to give up, just leave. As much as I love my family, when I was in Australia the one I missed most was her. And now she's gone. I keep glancing at my passport.

This must be a nightmare.

Vampires

So I'm sitting at the catsitting house watching the end of Dark Knight while Megan is reading Twilight. That sentence was probably going somewhere, but I don't remember where.

So I finished reading the entire Twilight series. Mom and Dad got me the second book (New Moon) "from my grandparents" for my extended family Christmas, and I spent most of that Saturday (until 1am Sunday morning) reading it. The next day I borrowed my cousins copy of the third (Eclipse) and got to the 8th chapter before we drove back up to Minnesota (from Iowa).

So I was stuck! I neeeeeeeeeeeded to read it and didn't have it. So I drove to Target and they were out, and eventually just went to the dogsitting place. Then I had the brilliant idea of the internet! EVERYTHING is on the internet. And so I found both Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, and have since finished reading both of them. Then I found and downloaded Host, a different book by Stephenie Meyer and I'm not sure I'll like it or not, but I'm still on a Twilight high and just don't want to come down from it. I want there to be more!

But right now, like I said, I'm at the catsitting house and tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I have absolutely no plans other than probably sitting around here or at the dogsitting house watching movies by myself. Maybe I'll go get myself some alcohol and get quietly drunk by myself. That sounds appropriately pathetic, although I probably won't have the necessary motivation to actually force myself into drunkenness.

And Dark Knight just ended. I should go to bed, have to work at Culver's from 10am - 5pm tomorrow, and then 11am-8pm on Thursday (that's really gonna suck, but I should get holiday pay for it so that's good at least). God knows I need the money. I still have no idea how I'm going to pay for second semester, but I'll figure something out.

And then it's off to the real world. It's kind of funny because my sister and I have been watching the 7th (and final) season of Gilmore Girls together and Rory is a senior at Yale, so it's interesting watching her freak out about careers and life after college etc, now that I finally understand what she's going through.

Although that's not real, and GAC isn't quite Yale. But same concept I guess.

Why do I catsit? I'm allergic to cats! Gah, it's slightly miserable here. For me at least. Megan's only slightly miserable because she doesn't like cats and this particular cat has taken a liking to her. It's kind of funny to watch really because it crawls right up onto her lap over her book and lays on its back and stares at her and she just looks at it and looks at me... well it's funny, trust me.

But yes, time for me to go to bed, not least because my computer battery is dying and I'm too lazy to go get the cord and plug it in.

Why did I title this vampires? I think I was planning to have a more Twilight-based rant, but it just didn't pan out. Oh well.

Happy Hunting!

Expectations and Christmas!

I've realized that expectations can either make or break a thing. Like movies for instance. When I first saw Burn After Reading I had HUGE expectations for it, saw it and of course it didn't live up to my expectations. Then I went to see it a second time, with my low expectations, and found out it was great! Great compared to low expectations, horrible compared to high expectations. Then I went to see Twilight, heard how horrible it was supposed to be and naturally loved it. Loved the story, loved the actors, loved the idea. I know right? What the hell! This is the teenage girl phenomenon, the middle school vampire romance sleazy crap I shouldn't approve of at all and yet I ate it up. They did play a Muse song during the baseball scene, but that's not all I liked from it.

Case in point, I liked the movie so much I asked for (and received) the book for Christmas and am currently on page 348 (and it's still the same day). Sadly, I only got the first book and no Barnes & Noble gift cards so I'm going to have to find a way to get my hands on the next books in the series.

The book also encouraged my getting over my obsession. That and my lack of recent internet time. But I'm coming to the conclusion that no human is really good enough for me, and I should just hold out and wait for the perfect vampire to fall completely into obsession with me. Because that happens! Books and movies have told me so.

And then of course tonight I've been watching Gilmore Girls (Season 7) with Megan at the catsitting house which has just shown me that the perfect guy for you really is the guy who impregnates you at 16 no matter how much you love the wolf or the diner guy. But I think I missed out on that boat, not getting pregnant at 16 and all.

But really life's not all about the partnering and the marriaging and the babying it's really all about the making money thing. And I haven't figured that one out yet either! BUT my parents were INCREDIBLY thoughtful and ordered me a Murdoch University sweatshirt from Australia for Christmas which has further convinced me to go back, that and the cold weather make the going back a potentially permanent arrangement as well.

Well Megan wants to take a bath with me in the awesome huge jacuzzi like tub so time for me to wrap it up! I probably had a lot more to say but oh well, some things are better left unsaid

PS - Jackie and Ghostbusters!

Intruder!!!

WTF!
So I'm cat/house sitting. In the middle of nowhere Oronoco MN. I came here Friday night and the woman who I'm doing this for was gone (as she was supposed to be) and I stayed overnight (as I was supposed to). Now, the plan was her being gone until early January and I'd stay overnight here as much as possible and take care of the kitty. For all of you in the area, today (Saturday) it snowed constantly and thickly effectively trapping me out here. So I stayed here all day, playing with the kitty, watching TV and being generally lazy. I was watching Superman when Megan called and we got to chatting. In the middle of our conversation (around 1 am - yes it was late by now) I see a light go on upstairs (upstairs being the main floor). So of course I'm like "Hello?" For a second I thought I was just going crazy and I had turned the light on earlier and just not noticed it but then I hear an answering "It's just me." So I semi-freaked, hung up on Megan, and ran upstairs and lo and behold the owner of the house is there. Apparently her flights got messed up because of the snowstorm. Here I'm thinking wtf because she'd been gone for the past week (I was still at GAC so someone else was cat/housesitting then) and she shows up in the middle of the night because of a snowstorm that shouldn't have affected her because she was supposed to be in California!

So I'm generally freaked out but she obviously knew I was going to be here and was apologetic over freaking me out but now I just feel insanely awkward. I mean, what do I do now? She said she'd be home for a few days... but what?! So do I get up early tomorrow and leave? And that's another thing, I have like dirty dishes left up there and I don't know how early she gets up and I just generally don't feel comfortable here anymore (which is a shame because I was finally starting to). And she's still up because I can hear the water running.

Sigh.

I should be sleeping instead of freaking.

Freaking cat allergies...

the madness of finals

Wow, this is my 50th post on this blog. I should throw a party...

So it's Tuesday and I have my Neurobiology final tomorrow and I'm slightly terrified, but not terrified enough. It's my senioritis acting up again and I'm finding very little motivation to study the way I should be for this test. It's also snowing out. That has nothing to do with my motivation (or lack of) but I thought I'd mention it because it's very pretty. It almost looks fake...

Yesterday I had my Kinship final test, and I actually knew the answer to every question (at least basically). I'm certain I did well on that test, which is bad because it's like rewarding my bad behavior (since I barely studied for that test). I also finished my Wicked painting and it doesn't look as cool as it could, but it also doesnt look too bad either. Definitely one for my wall.

Still have to finish my sculpture by 3:40pm tomorrow, but that should be easy and I'll just finish it up after my Neuro final.

Assuming I'm still breathing after that. Which may in fact be assuming a lot.

I've been going back and watching the old episodes of Heroes. It's really fun! Reminds me where all the characters are coming from - I'm up to Season 2 Episode 4 (I just finished 3 last night). But yea, after my final and finishing my painting I pretty much devoted the rest of Monday to entertaining myself, saving today for studying for Neuro. Of course since we were up very late last night and I only seriously woke up at like 1:30pm (and then showered) I haven't really gotten to studying yet. Which is bad! And instead of studying I've been checking email and posting on my blog.

I am excited for the fact that this time tomorrow I'll be done with Neuro.

I've also been thinking about my future, and my thinking has been leading back to the travelling ideas. I want to go back to Australia, back to the Perth area. I could work for the WA Conservation Council or some other similarly minded organization. Or I could work on getting a Master's or something. As much as I love the snow, and Minnesota, these cold winters really are not my favorite thing in the world. I've also been realizing that it's not just the people I've been missing there, it's the whole cultural attitude, the places, the weather, the proximity to the ocean, it's all of that. I think I'm neglecting to remember the prices of things but still.

I'm so tired. I know I slept the right amount, but I'm still tired. I hate being semi-sort of-sick. I want to sleep...

I'll start dozing off soon if I don't watch myself.

On a further note, Alan has still neglected to send me the pictures! I can't wait to get a camera.

I really have nothing else to write about, I'm just procrastinating because I don't want to study for Neuro. Which is dumb because not studying won't make it go away, it will just make it suck more.

So tomorrow the plan is to take the Neuro final, finish the final sculpture, pack up the car and drive home. Good plan right? I think there was more to that, but I've forgotten what it was.

And I haven't been watching myself... dang it.

Time to get to work

DONE!!! Well almost...

Finished my papers! They are both officially done (second one finished at 3:41 am Friday morning).

That's right ladies and gentlemen, I started writing a ten page paper at 7:30pm (closer to 8) and finished it at 3:30am (actually finished writing at 2:22 but then had to go through and fix my citations and do the references).

I wrote a crap-ass paper on "Reproduction and Social Inequality." And a large part of it was EotHB if you get my drift.

But no matter how shitty I feel right now and will feel tomorrow, the papers are done! Now all I have to worry about is finishing my painting(s) and my sculpture project(s). Sigh...

At sculpture today I may have finished my kangaroo (finally!). I'm not sure whether or not I want to shinify it or leave it as it is... We also worked on a figure/portrait/face that we started on Tuesday. I'm pretty proud of mine actually, but I don't know when I'll find time to finish it (at the moment it only has one eye and - just sneezed three times here - the other is an empty socket. Maybe I should just put an eye patch over it and call it a pirate interpretation...

The only time I can blow my nose and not feel light-headed afterwards is directly after I sneeze.

Random, yes, but it was relevant to me at the time and really that's all that matters.

So, even though Sybylla is still working on a paper, I'm going to stop being stupid and go to bed.

Good luck to everyone who has finals, exams, papers coming up!

i think i'm sick...

My head is pounding, and feels like it weighs about a ton. My throat is raw and scratchy (imagine sandpaper). My nose is clogged (breathing through my mouth exclusively for fear of suffocating). Sounds fun right?

Perfect timing too. Because I have two papers and a painting due Friday. Which is in two days. Luckily I've finished one of the two papers, the 5 page one. Unluckily I haven't even started writing seriously for the 10 page one. And of course tomorrow is Thursday, which means I'll be in sculpture until 7:30pm and then have to come back and start writing the paper. I suck.

Why did I procrastinate so much?

I also spent a good part of today watching old episodes of Heroes. In defense of myself, well... I'm sick!

I'm also probably dehydrated... sigh

On a lighter note, I finished my Neuro paper! So I'm all done with that class now, save for the final. Which is going to kick my ass.

Plus I finally got to talk to Michael for the first time in ages! Of course, I did not get to talk to Alan which means I still need those damn pictures... grr.

What was I talking about?

Oh well, it doesn't matter. I've started a new painting, my last one for watercolor. It's got a stupid reflective vase in it (because Bruce suggested it and I'd be a fool to ignore a professor's suggestion) as well as my Wicked shirt (hehe that was all me). I have semi high hopes for it, just no real time to finish it.

That being said, Kat's sick and she's going to sleep now.

Maybe I'll get to do arts and crafts at work tomorrow...

Anal

Anal. No, not the type of sexual interaction, nor just in mention of the area from which the poo leaves. Although in a way it refers to both. Right now it's me being pissed at Alan and purposefully misspelling his name to reference both those socially-not-so-acceptable uses of the word. Because he deserves it.

After treating him to a wonderful week at my house (well okay a decent week, but whatever any charitable activity was over the top!) he continues to be an asshole to me. Like, wtf. Basically, my camera is no longer functioning (as mentioned many times previous) -- holy shit No Good Deed just started playing randomly, how fitting -- and so (besides the zoo) all the pictures we took over the week (okay mostly just at Wicked) were taken using his camera. Being such a picture junkie as I am, I asked him if he could send me the pictures. He said he would (this was while he was still in Minnesota conmigo). So a day or two after he's back in CO I asked him to just shoot them over to me via email (it's not a complicated process, maybe 15 minutes tops).
He's too busy, he'll do it later.
Okay, no worries, just don't forget.
Next day I ask again, hey dude, pictures please! I know if I don't keep asking I'll forget and lose all record.
He's too busy, but he promises he'll do it over the weekend.
Okay, no worries.
Friday comes along, I shoot him a reminder message just saying to get to it whenever he's free.
Fast forward to about 30 minutes ago, he finally gets on for the first time all weekend and spends over an hour online and still doesn't send me the pictures.
After I reminded him (about a second after he got online).

Why? What the hell is so hard about uploading pics from a camera to a computer and emailing them to a person? It's not hard at all! It takes like I said 15 minutes tops! Maybe more if you have a slow internet connection, but it's not like you can't do anything else during that time!

Okay, now you're all thinking, "Kat, you're overreacting hardcore." And I know I am, but the thing is, as soon as I get the pictures I can stop communicating with this shithead. Shi-thead.

Stubborn ass, every moment wasted on him reminds me how I continue to fail at life.

Dude - I'm really not still that hardcore depressed.

But talking to Anal reminds me of how I was, and how some things have been festering in me and refuse to let go, and I'd rather not be reminded of that - wouldn't you agree?

Festering like a month-old piece of popcorn stuck between your back molars.

I love imagery.

Not to mention the fact that I didn't do any of my sculpture projects, haven't figured out what I'm going to paint yet, didn't do anything but some light research on my Kinship paper, and didn't do anything but make one graph in the wrong program for my Neuro paper.

Oh and I still have no idea what I'm doing after I gradumacate, though I did start filling out an application for Teach for America... I'm so screwed.

I did go into Mankato tonight though! Drove the van to the River Hills Mall and got some Christmas shopping done - just found stuff for my dad and Sybylla though (and for me of course but didn't buy anything for me, other than a $1 box of popcorn).

And I'm finally calming down. Good Kat.

Holy crap, when did it get so late? Guess it's time to get ready for bed...

Today's rant has been brought to you by Anal Dogface.

My roommate is dying...

So my roommate had an 8 page paper due Wednesday, a 20 page paper due today, and another 5 page paper due tomorrow.

And she's almost as good at procrastinating as I am, meaning she has had very little sleep these past few nights!

But she did manage to introduce me to another Joss Whedon semi masterpiece!

It's called Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog and it's fantastic. It also is better than it sounds. Although probably not as good as I'm making it out to be, but Nathan Fillion is in it and I can't help laughing when I watch him sing. That's right, Captain Mal can sort of sing.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog#s-p1-so-i0

There you go, enjoy that!

So we're on our lunch break (it's actually ending now so I'll be posting this afterwards) but she's been working on the 20 page one this entire hour. I had easy mac.

Yikes, now I've got to run to class - be back in a bit. No I won't, I'm going to talk to the Teach for America dude after!

Just got back from talking to Zach from Teach for America. Luckily it wasn't an interview or I'd have just bombed it. Seriously, why do I have such trouble talking to people? I stumbled over words, said things I didn't mean, contradicted what he was telling me, and overall sounded stupid and unqualified which is definitely not the picture I wanted to portray of myself.

Oh well.

Neuro was interesting, we read a paper about a group of cells in someone's brain that only fired when he was watching the Simpsons, that was kind of amusing. And then the rat experiment was discussed. One of our rats was sooo cute and awesome. It escaped on Monday morning, and refused to do the experiment correctly. Basically we put them in a tank of water and they had to find their way to the platform (because they aren't supposed to like to swim). But apparently we had the Michael Phelps rat because it swam like a speed demon and even when it did get on the platform it just used it as a diving platform to dive back in the water, sometimes taking a running leap or even going and swimming entirely underwater. It's so cute! And I wanted to take it home with me but my evil mother wouldn't let me :( and of course we can't have any pets other than fish in the dorms.

I have a crapload of things to do in sculpture today. Not sure I'll be able to get even half the stuff I want to get done done. That was a horribly constructed sentence.

Right, running to sculpture now, I'll just end this mother here...

I keel you!

Okay, was working pretty hard on my Neuro final draft from about 7pm until about 1:30am when Sybylla introduced me to Jeff Dunham and Achmed the terrorist...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svlj9U0NTFo

Dang it

It's freaking hilarious

So now it's 2:11am and I'm going back to work!