Tonight, December 31, 2008 my dog Jasmine Angel died. I've gone through a dozen tissues and I must be dehydrated by now from all the crying I've done but I need to get it off my chest and I don't know how else to do it. It also provides a nice distraction to try to help me keep from breaking down again.

It's really hard though, considering my email and a lot of my user names (this blog included) are "jazgirl87" and that was what I made in 6th grade named after my new puppy, Jasmine (or Jazzy).

http://www.cutewithchris.com/jazzy.html

That link is from this winter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7j6iC0PrB0

That one I made about a year ago just for the hell of it.

I feel like I'm dying. She was fine! She acted fine I just took her on a walk the other day, last night I took one of mom's couch pillows off the couch and put it on the floor for her to sleep on, she's been fine!

She got sick earlier today, but I was working at Culver's from 10-4. Finally they took her to the vet where it was discovered that she ate a baseball and part of the leather covering was stuck in the valve between her stomach and small intestine which made everything stop up. So she went in for surgery. While she was in surgery the vet found that it wasn't just the baseball, she had a giant tumor wrapped around her intestine and her pancreas and it was completely blocking the valve... inoperable. We went to the vet clinic and she was still under and then they put her down. Euthanized her. It was horrible. I didn't even get to see her today. She didn't get to go to sleep with her family around her, she was anesthetized with the vet before her surgery.

It's so wrong. It's unfair. She was only 10, she had plenty of time left! How come others get to keep their pets longer. I can't stop crying.

How cold is this, typing this in a blog. I'm in so much pain right now I'm actually starting to go numb. My hands shake, I keep having to retype things. Some people aren't that close to their pets, they wouldn't understand why I'm being like this. But she was part of our family. She was the baby, the hunting buddy, the one who was always there if you were upset and needed a friendly lick on the face. I pleaded with my parents for months to let me get a dog until finally we got Jazzy. Then she became my best friend. She didn't change her mind, grow a different personality, fall in with a different crowd she was always there.

And she was just fine! It's not fair that she's gone. It makes me want to give up, just leave. As much as I love my family, when I was in Australia the one I missed most was her. And now she's gone. I keep glancing at my passport.

This must be a nightmare.