Better, but still... something...

So these past two weeks have been much better than my last post.

I think a big part of it has to do with the weather just boosting my mood with the bright, sunny, warm days we've been having.

Anywho... so last weekend my sister Megan came to visit me on Friday. I busted out of work about an hour early and met her at the Mall of America, where we wandered around lost for awhile and then ate at Noodles, then wandered around some more until we headed back to my house. All we ended up doing there was watching a couple of movies on TV (Ocean's 13 and The Bourne Identity). Went to bed, got up the next morning and I think did more nothing. We eventually went over to Target and bought some necessities and eventually she had to head back to Eau Claire. Her being here was a big morale booster as well. We didn't even do much other than chill, hang out, talk. It's just nice catching up with her for once (and yes I know you're probably reading this, happy now? :P).

Right now Kaylee is climbing all over me; she just crawled inside my sweatshirt and was hanging out in there for awhile. Which is better than trying to crawl all over the keyboard like she was before. I get the feeling I have some rat poop inside my sweatshirt now though... nope! Good rat!!

Tuesday night Tom and I went to McMahon's for his friend's karaoke show. It was actually fun, with the lack of some of his less than fun friends present. I even got a free shamrock necklace thing (ok free cheap thing with a big Guinness token on the end of it but whatever!). We went out again on Wednesday night as well (St. Patrick's Day) and again had fun. A different bar this time but same karaoke show.

Saturday was at the Cardinal (same show! same group of friends - the good set). Had a lot of fun and there was a big group of people there who were really getting into the karaoke. Some excellent singers as well.

Sunday (today) Tom and I went to see Repo Men in theaters. It was AMAZING. I mean I was sort of expecting just a lame, expected plot with lots of action and gore (the action and gore I got) but there were some excellent unexpected plot twists that just made the movie great. It was also a good insight as to how far human greed can go (and sometimes I believe it could go that far). Afterwards we went to his friend's house for a BBQ. That was kind of a bust because it just got a little too chilly outside but we all hung out inside and had a good time. Good food too - some delicious cookies! And good conversations.

Well that's a really shortened version of my last two weeks, I left out a bunch of stuff from work (big boss was in for the past two weeks, took us out to lunch on Thursday to a sushi place; wants me to work on some illustrations which is both good and bad because I'd love to but haven't been trained that way so don't know what he's expecting as far as quality goes; lots of business there and staying late), as well as some other little stuff from the week (Kaylee keeping me up late or not letting me sleep with her wheel-running; trying to make plans for this coming weekend with my mom - Chicago, Vegas, anything and it all fell through), etc. But I guess I hit on the major points.

Just put Kaylee back in her cage - she did not poop or pee on me or my desk once! Now that's a good rat!! (she definitely got a treat for it too)

That's about it I guess. Time for me to clean Kaylee's cage...

PS - I just remembered the title of my post. Basically, I am better, but still lacking some level of happiness that I feel is essential in remaining sane. Maybe the weather will help me achieve that but I'm still thinking I need a vacation badly, and not just over a weekend. I'm thinking that I might do a big Europe trip whenever I figure my life out. As in, sometime between quitting this job and moving on to whatever's next I might try to do a big roadtrip through Europe or maybe somewhere else. Like a monthlong thing. Or maybe I won't, I just feel like that would be a good time to do it, between jobs or life stages. I should have done it after graduation but I was dirt-broke. Not that I'm rolling in cash now or anything but my finances are a little more stable. Anyway, those are my thoughts on that...

What's with YOUR attitude, bitch?

I sometimes really really really wish I liked beer. I wish I liked drinking it as much as some of the people I've been hanging out with lately do. I've never wished that before now, but if I drank it would make all the ridiculous outings with these people a hundred times more enjoyable. I'd be easily less bored and probably less pissy every time I go out.

What prompts this topic? Tom's working karaoke at the Cardinal (bar) tonight and a bunch of his friends are there as well. I elected to go in later (it started at 8pm) in order to get some laundry and cleaning done. So I went in around 11pm, sat down at the table with his friends, and proceeded to be completely ignored. I'm shy and self-conscious enough as it is, but having all of my comments go unresponded to just put me in a not-having-fun mood. Then, when a known not-so-good singer went up to the stand, all of Tom's friends went outside. So that left me inside alone. I went up to talk to Tom, since he had a mini-break, and got about two words in before he walked away from me to go talk to a bunch of girls having a bachelorette party. Wtf?

Eventually the rest of the "friends" came back and sat around me at the table and two of them asked one of the bar workers for their tabs. They happened to be the two sitting to either side of me. So the bartender (for lack of a better title) then looks at me and goes, "What's with your attitude?" I was shocked. Yes, I was in a bad mood, but I generally conceal it pretty well. All kinds of potential responses came to mind, everything from accusing the fucker of ignoring me when I was desperately thirsty (for water, but whatever no one even asked when I got in) to trying to laugh it off. What I did was glare at him until he walked away. The thing is, I'm pretty sure I looked at Tom's friends after he said it and it looked like they were agreeing with him. When he walked back with their tabs he then goes "Looks like your attitude's improved already!" I was so incredibly pissed and upset, with no one talking to me other than to insult me for no reason I walked up to Tom and told him I'd pick him up when he was done.

I got in the car, and immediately tears started streaming down my face. That's when I discovered I'm probably more emotional than usual tonight (hormones??? idk) but whatever. There was no way I was staying there, bored, lonely, and having absolutely no fun. I'd rather be home cleaning than sitting there.

I can't help but think this is going to ruin things. I don't know how or why but I have this forbidding feeling that I can't get along with Tom's friends because I don't drink. Basically, I rarely associate with these people while they're not drinking and I can't be as open and uninhibited as they are because I don't drink. And so I look like the stick in the mud who won't have fun with them, just because I have a different definition of what's fun. I'd like to go out and go bowling, or skiing, or go to a movie, or play board games or cards or anything but all they do is drink. Maybe I'm overgeneralizing, but that's all I've experienced.

So now I'm back home, debating on what to do now. What do I say to Tom? Do I apologize or get mad? I want to get mad, but fear that won't help my cause at all.

On other notes, had a busy week last week. We had surgery or behavior to do every day last week except for Friday. On Friday we had a big AALAC inspection, so it was just a busy week at work.

Yesterday I noticed Kaylee was acting funny, like she had no balance. She kept rolling over and walking funny and actually wasn't very well groomed. I played with her for awhile and then totally cleaned out her cage (including hosing/soaping the aquarium), replaced all her food and water, and got her a new box and tunnel. She seems to be looking better today, definitely more groomed and less wobbly, but still a bit unbalanced. According to the internets, she might have an inner ear infection, but I'm hoping it will go away on its own.

Tomorrow I'm going to go skiing by myself. Kind of lame, but I don't have anyone to go with me and I really want to go. Not to mention my parents went to all the work of getting me my skis so I'd better use them! Hopefully they still have snow.

What I wouldn't give for a time machine...

Keep on keeping on

I've got nothing new to share, even though it's been nearly a month since I last posted.

Kaylee's grown bigger and often runs to the top of the cage when I call her name but nothing really new or exciting with her.

Work is... tolerable. I'm generally busier now so even though work is no longer fun, it at least generally goes by quickly enough to not be excruciating.

I guess one thing that happened was driving up to St. Cloud on Feb. 13 to meet Tom's family at his stepmom's birthday party. That was interesting. His sisters and everyone seemed pretty nice, although I didn't spend too much time conversing with them (other than his older sister, her husband and son). The night was really long though - we had to watch a chef make our food before they brought it out to us - the dinner lasted about 3 hours. Afterwards we then immediately drove down to just outside Madison, WI to spend the rest of the 3 day weekend (hooray for President's day) at Tom's friend Julie's house. What was supposed to be exciting and fun turned into starving and extremely boring. We did nothing there but sit around and watch movies or sleep for a day and a half. And the entire time we were there we had 1 meal. It was horrible. The best part was eating at the first-ever Culver's on the way home.

Besides that, I can't even think of anything else that's happened. I guess we went down to Rochester for the superbowl. That was also kind of boring but I guess I had fun because it was my family.

Figured out my taxes as well, so should get some money for that one of these days. Been wondering what to do with it when it comes. I should probably just dump it into savings but there are a couple of things I really want. The first is a car. Mostly for convenience because really it is freaking cold here in the winter and because of that I never want to go anywhere via public transportation. Waiting outside in the cold is no fun, so unless Tom's willing to drive me somewhere (which he usually is, he's so nice) I just don't go anywhere. A car would change that. It would let me get crap done, go home to Rochester whenever I wanted, go on roadtrips, whatever! Granted I probably wouldn't do any of that but the possibilities seem endless from this end of the timeline. Of course then I have to consider how much I'm willing to pay for a car (it would definitely be used), not to mention if I can even afford it what with insurance etc. The other thing I desperately want to do is go on a vacation somewhere. Preferably somewhere warm, with a beach, but right now I'm open to suggestions. I really just want to get out of Minnesota (and by that I don't mean to Wisconsin) and relax for a week. My considerations have gone everywhere from a week in Florida with my grandparents to a week down in Texas surprising old friends to 10 days in Europe tracking down ex-best friends. That and of course flying back down to Oz (probably never to return). So what should I do? The responsible thing would be to save it or buy a car with it (practicality) but I'm really sick of always taking the responsible actions in life. That's what brought me back from Oz in the first place, my stupid sense of responsibility (or reality, whatever you want to call it). But I'm open to suggestions.

There was something else I wanted to share here...

Ah yes. I had a breakthrough the other night about what I think I really want to do with my life. More and more I've been leaning toward scientific illustration, because the more I think about it the more it sounds like something I'd actually love to do. The problem is I'm not sure if it's because I actually would love doing art for a living or that it just sounds uber cool. Since I've had this revelation I have been telling myself to just start drawing, maybe work on a portfolio for applying to schools, but haven't actually been motivated enough to start yet. Not sure what that means. Maybe I just grabbed onto this idea because it sounds cool and would get me away from my current job situation or maybe it would actually be a good fit for me, I'm just not sure. And maybe me not being sure is telling me that it's just a fantasy on my part that doesn't really fit for me. UGH! I hate my indecisiveness. And I am very surprised that "indecisiveness" is a real word.

Tom's in AZ this weekend, running some sort of relay marathon type thing (200 miles divided between 12 people) and so I've spent the weekend finally watching Castle, the series that Nathan Fillion is in these days (Mal from Firefly). It's really fun and entertaining to watch, but I had weird mystery-related dreams last night so I should probably stop watching. Kind of too late now, oh well.

Tomorrow I'm going to go see The Princess and the Frog with Hannah at the Riverview. I feel so bad, apparently her car broke down. So now, since I'm borrowing Tom's car while he's away, I finally get to sort-of repay her for all the times she's driven me by picking her up for the movie.

That's pretty much it, I hope you all have enjoyed this brief glimpse into my thoughts.

Kaylee!

Well my deadline has come and passed and I still haven't figured out my life.

I guess it's kind of stupid to put a deadline on that, figuring out your life, but still. It would have been nice to have known by now.

As far as the weekend goes, not too much has happened.

Tom got back on Friday, I picked him up at the airport, we ate lunch at Burger King, and then he dropped me off at work and went home (I said a tearful goodbye to the car I'd been using all last week). Because he's so nice though he actually got all his stuff done in time to come back and pick me up from work so I didn't have to walk home. We then hung out at my house, ate dinner (mmm sandwiches) and then went out to the Downtime (bar) in Dinkytown to watch Jordan's brother's band play (the Jason Shannon Band - original eh?). They were supposed to start at 10pm but the group on before them didn't get off the stage until 11:30pm (they weren't that good so it was really frustrating having to wait). It also sucked because the place was kind of tiny and packed so there was mostly only standing room. So that was my Friday.

On Saturday I slept in, ate food, played on the computer, was pretty much just lazy until late afternoon when Tom consented to drive me to a pet store. We went to Petsmart first, and looked at the selection of rats only to be disappointed. They were all in one cage and all looked pretty full grown. When I asked how old they were the guy looked a bit lost and seemed to make up his answer of 6 months. To me, for an animal that only lives about 3-4 years, 6 months is a bit too old to start off with. So then we went across the street to the Petco, which had a much nicer selection. The rats were separated into 3 cages - small, medium, and large; and the size pretty much directly correlated with their age (what I thought and was also confirmed by one of the workers). I hemmed and hawed for a long time but eventually decided I wanted one. Tom helped me pick out bedding, food, water bottle, wheel, and a cage topper for it (he gave me an old 10 gallon aquarium to use as a main cage) and I picked out the little rat. I picked the smallest of the smalls - she has a white body with a black head and a black stripe down most of her back. We drove her to Tom's house to get the aquarium and everything and on the way home we tried to think up some good names for her. I knew I wanted to name her something from either a book or movie I liked (I like using character names) but couldn't think of any. Finally, Tom mentioned 'Kaylee' (from Firefly/Serenity) and I thought it sounded perfect. So Kaylee it is! (If I ever get a sister rat for her, its name will be River - FYI). Saturday evening was then spent setting up Kaylee's home, playing with her, and watching her.

A lot of Sunday was spent doing that as well as playing on the computer and being generally lazy. I also started laundry on Sunday but kept forgetting about it so it still needs to be finished (hopefully tonight). Jordan's birthday was on Sunday as well, but didn't see much of him until late.

Back at work now, and not looking forward to another ridiculously slow week. On the plus side at least Tom is here to occasionally ease the tension at lunch.

I'm looking forward to getting home today and playing with my new baby (rat).

First week of torture

This week has gone by incredibly slowly. Or slow. Whatever, it has just dragged on and on with seemingly no end in sight. Luckily, today that end is finally in sight.

The only good part about not having my favorite 2 coworkers here anymore is that there is a lot more for me to do in a general day. The bad part is that, as I mentioned previously, the days go by a hell of a lot slower. Not to mention that Tom's been gone this week as well. Right now I'm just waiting for his plane to land so I can go pick him up from the airport and get some lunch with him.

Katie's gone today (other coworker), off to her home in Milwaukee to make her hair appointment. So it's just Joe and I and next to nothing for me to do.

Yesterday (and this week) I looked around for cars and found this nice 2001 Prius on craigslist for just under 4 grand. I really want it, but I only have about 5 grand to my name. I need to get my tax forms from Culvers, the VA, and GAC so I can get my tax refund. That should be a big help this year, and maybe enough to finance a car for me. It would be so nice not to have to depend on people for rides.

I also have been toying with the idea of getting a pet rat. They're so cute and smart, and I desperately want something furry to love that I don't have to torture and kill. I think I might get one this weekend, now I just have to think of a name.

I've pretty much wasted this entire week. Other than grocery shopping (twice), all I've done is watch a lot of TV and take a lot of naps. Except for Monday. On Monday Vicki and Sybylla and I got together at Sybylla's house and watched a couple of Disney movies (Emperor's New Groove and Mulan). That was pretty fun. Oh and on Sunday I went to see 2012 with Hannah at the Riverview (it started during OT of the Vikings vs. Saints game - was so pissed they lost). I thought it was a pretty entertaining movie. A lot of ridiculous parts but also some good special effects.

The last thing I want to mention here is that I've been getting concerned about an AWOL friend of mine. Usually I don't worry when I have trouble getting in touch with some of my faraway friends, but this time seems different. I've even resorted to using Skype to try to contact him but no luck. So if any of you Australia buddies of mine have heard from our mutual Danish friend (or if he's reading this) please let me know!

It's never a good feeling to realize that a once-close friend could drop out of touch completely, to the point where you don't even know if they're still alive (and who would tell you if they weren't??).

That is all. I hope everyone had a good January!

PS - My deadline ends in 2 days. I think I'm screwed...

alone, so alone

Blah.

So, work has taken a drastic dive into madness. Alaina quit and had her last day last Friday (Jan. 15th) to go back to school full time before going off to vet school. Not even a week later (this Thursday Jan. 21) Amanda was fired. Which leaves me, alone. In one week we went from a lab of 5 people to a lab of 3. I no longer have anyone there who can really relate to me, who I can bitch to about work-related things, etc. It's just me vs. the people who have worked there for 4+ years.

To be fair, they aren't all the devil's children, I'm just terrified of 2/3 of them and the other I know won't stick up for me should I need it.

Not to mention, my life countdown is running out. I set up a deadline for myself a long time ago (post-Australia sometime) that I would know what the next step in my life would be by January 31, 2010. That date is fast approaching, and while I thought I was set at this job, now I'm not so sure.

I realize I need to give it time, see how bad it really is before trying to jump ship, but I keep stressing myself out, dreading each day. Not to mention I don't want to go through the agony of finding and applying for jobs again. And it's either that or getting my ass in gear and figuring out what I want to do for grad school - and then doing it. This job was supposed to help me with that decision but so far hasn't at all, other than to increase my motivation to do it just to get out of here.

In other news, on Tuesday last week Hannah came over and we finally watched 9. It was pretty awful. The plot was weak, character development was completely lacking, and it was confusing as heck. The only good things about it were the actual visual effects and the short it was based off of.

On Wednesday, Vicki and Sybylla came over and we finally exchanged Christmas presents. Sybylla gave me Troy (yay I finally got it!) and a huge box of crayons. Vicki made this awesome picture/poster from college stuff we'd done together. That was fun.

Now it's Sunday (I started writing this yesterday I think, if not Friday) and I have to get ready to drive Tom to the airport (he's leaving for upstate New York for work training for a week, boo) and then head in to work myself to help Katie with dissections. Should be fun (or not).

Happy 2010?

So. Happy 2010 people. Not sure why I haven't been updating, other than sheer laziness of course. My bad.

Here it goes then: shit happened.

The end.

Nah, but really a lot of crap has happened since I last posted (considering it was about 2 weeks ago). So where did I leave off... I'm thinking it was around Christmas. Yep, Xmas day actually.

So since then I spent a lot of time playing with my Kindle, and then having the Kehoe family Christmas at our house on the 27th - I got a case for my Kindle and an Amazon gift card... hehe. Spent a lot of time at home doing absolutely nothing but hanging out with my family and Belle. I honestly wish I remembered more of the details of those days but it's been so long that it's become a blur. So I drove myself back up in the aunt/uncle's beast of a truck on Monday night.

On Tuesday I went into work and ran the mice in the cognition boxes. Then I went home. Basically the lab decided to take as much time off during that week as possible. Later that night I picked up the aunt/uncle from the airport and said goodbye to the temporary vehicle loan.

On Wednesday Amanda and I came in to work, ran the mice again, and then were told to go home. On Thursday we were supposed to do cell injections and so we all showed up on time except for the only lab member who actually performed the surgeries. Basically we waited around at work all day for her to show up and never heard from her. Eventually we just left, but that was really upsetting. I mean we all wasted our entire day there for no reason, just because we couldn't get in contact with one person. UGH!

Thursday night started off slow, until Jordan came in with his hand covered in blood and paper towels and his face as pale as a sheet. He was walking Harley and fell on the ice and gashed his hand open on the ice. So Tom and I drove him to his work (to get his wallet with his insurance card) and then around looking for somewhere with an open Urgent Care. We did find one and got him in there where his mom met us and took over. We would have stayed but it was of course New Year's Eve, and there was supposed to be a sort of get-together at Tom's house. The date, however, brought back bad memories of last year, the day that Jazzy died. But I tried really hard not to dwell on that fact, and Tom helped by finally managing to be the first person to get me drunk. How you ask? Margaritas. What I recall is finding everything suddenly hilarious and playing Mario Kart on his Wii. Apparently I am a funny and easily amused drunk. Still never really found the drinking enjoyable, just tolerable, and probably not an experience I'll be repeating with any regularity, but it was a learning experience for me. And not terrible. Anyway...

Friday morning Tom, Nate (his roommate), Ashley (Nate's girlfriend), and I went out for breakfast at Perkins. There was a wait for a table and it was packed. It took them about 45 minutes to get our food, but it was still good. After that Tom and I drove down to Rochester to watch Belle while the parents + Sara were down in Kansas City for the Coughlin family Christmas. Got home to discover that, earlier that morning, Belle had chewed through the leash tethering her to her kennel and wandered up to my room and proceeded to eat ALL of my starfish from my Texas research trip this summer. Every last one. I was so pissed at her. Then she had the shits from it when I took her to the dog park on Saturday. UGH.

Saturday afternoon Tom and I went to see Avatar. I absolutely loved it. It was gorgeous - the special effects were beautifully done and the movie succeeded in making me jealous of the characters in it. To me, that qualifies as a brilliant movie. We also went to see Sherlock Holmes earlier in the week and it was okay. It taught me a lot about the Holmes persona - and I definitely saw the House comparisons. So, for me, 5 stars for Avatar and 2 1/2 for Holmes.

Then Tom left and I spent the night doing God knows what. Oh, I fell asleep in front of the TV watching Men in Black. Sunday I played with Belle, did some errands, and then caught the airport shuttle back to Minneapolis. Took the light rail from the airport to the VA, then had to walk home. Unfortunately I didn't pack smart - I had my laptop and a ton of crap in my duffel bag = heavy and not easy to carry. And it was freezing outside. But I made it.

Monday I went back to work. Not a lot to do nowadays, just cognition and boring lab stuff. Oh, although we did do the cell injections on Monday afternoon. I FORGOT!! A lot did happen on Monday. That is when I went in for a dentist appointment at my new ghetto dentist. I borrowed Tom's car (he's so nice!). Went in to work, started the cognition, then left at around 8:40 for my 9am appointment. Got there at like 10 til 9, and started filling out paperwork. While I was doing that, an angry man came up to the receptionist and started yelling and cursing at her about how no one called him to cancel his appointment etc and so on. Apparently he even reached over and scratched her arm and then she called the cops. He left, but the cops still came and were talking to the receptionist when I went down for my exam. Of course downstairs was another waiting area. And then I waited in the dentist chair. The first time anyone looked in my mouth was at 10am. By then I was getting pissed. Then I waited around some more. Then I was switched to another chair for a cleaning and then had to wait around again for the dentist to come back and look at my x-rays and tell me it looked fine. All told - I didn't get back to work until about 11:20. That is ridiculous. So now I think I have to look for a new dentist. I also found out that the other one of my coworkers that I enjoy working with is going to resign in order to go back to school full time for this semester. Blah.

Now the rest of the week at work has been pretty low-key. After work has been a lot of nothing as well. Made some chip dip (DELICIOUS - 1 can of Hormel chili no beans + 1 package Velveeta Mexican mild) and some brownies (also delicious, but from a box so less impressive, and technically Tom made them). Not much else - tonight I plan to go to Target to buy some Hotpockets for the lab lunch tomorrow. None of those crazy people have ever had one! I also need to get some essentials, like bread and milk.

So that's the end of that. Not much about 2010 is different than 2009, but I guess it is starting out a little better. Seems like I'm getting old and college is fast becoming little more than memories. Which, I suppose, is all it is now.

Deep.