Kindred Spirits

So tonight I had a long and amazingly wonderful chat with my old ex-roommate Vicki (I lived with her and Syb last fall in Rundstrom). She spent last semester in Ghana, Africa and is experiencing many similar emotions about her losses as I am. Ridiculously similar.

Granted the circumstances are very different, but the feelings remain the same.

I was so excited about getting to show Vicki my ridiculous amounts of pictures featuring my obsession that I wanted to blog about it. And then I realized it's not really much of a story.

BUT! Today in Intro to Interactive Media I made a crappy little animation of a school of fish! It sucks but it's awesome at the same time! It didn't take me very long once I learned the technique (and then I learned other more advanced techniques but ran out of time to put them to good use, maybe on Thursday mehehe).

*I was trying to upload it here but it's been 20 minutes processing it so I don't think it's going to happen, I'll try a Youtube link just because I'm that desperate for mediocre praise*
**So I'll add the link when Youtube's done processing it... if I remember**
***I just watched my Jazzy video on youtube and came this close to crying... held back because I don't want awkward convo with my roommate... sad isn't it?***

I should have been uploading pictures to this mother all along! I have been remiss in my blogging duties, and I apologize for it.


Let's put one up from tonight to make up for it shall we?

This is Vicki! Refusing to let me take a good picture of her. And Syb's legs.

Hmm, maybe this picture idea isn't all it's cracked up to be. Oh well...

Relax

It's Sunday night and instead of watching the Academy Awards I'm watching 10 Things I Hate About You. Once I heard that Heath Ledger won, I just felt like watching it.

It's been a long weekend. Friday night was the play, and then I went to see Twilight. Afterwards I watched The Changeling and cried.

Saturday I did laundry and my dishes and then the play. Afterwards Sarah and I watched Cars and I stayed up waaaay too late finishing my laundry and reading.

Sunday I got up, went to the play (matinee) and then afterwards had to stay and help strike the set (a lot of unscrewing). By the end of that (around 8pm) I was exhausted, starving, and covered with sawdust and other grime. First thing on my agenda was food, then shower and clean pj's, and now I'm just relaxing watching my movie while Sarah and Syb are watching the AA's.

This is a lame-ass post but really nothing all that exciting has happened. I'm mostly just thrilled that the crazy schedule I've had the past week is now finally over and I get my evenings free again. I'm also shocked I haven't fallen drastically behind in my homework, although I do have an Evolution test coming up on Thursday.

Right now I'm just waiting for the movie to load up a bit more. Also listening to a bit more Mika and rubbing my poor sore feet.

Relax, take it easy, for there is nothing that we can do.

I got an email from one of my professors about an internship over the summer with the DNR and honestly it sounds perfect for me. I just need to check to see if they take recent grads or only current students. That and I don't know about housing or anything either. It would be nice for me to get my ass in gear and make a plan.

Good story. Thanks.

Neuronal Synapses

The Other Shore by Gao Xingjian is running at GAC this weekend (opening night was tonight) and I'm a magical follow spot operator, along with part-time puppeteer, cart-mover, screen-holder, and various other backstage tasks. So that has been consuming my life for the past week and will continue to do so until Sunday night. The play has some really interesting and fun parts, but overall it has no real plot and is just plain weird. The soundtrack and the lights and the set are pretty cool, along with the costume and pretty much everything else about it other than the writing. And this from the first Chinese person to win the Nobel Prize in Literature... I can only hope it wasn't for this play. It also probably has some deeper meaning that, not being Chinese or knowing much of anything about Chinese history, I'm just not picking up on. But I get to be a techie again and so I'm happy.

It's not quite the same as being a techie in high school though (even though I wore my CHS techie shirt today!). There, we all knew each other, we all built the set together and were intimitely connected with the play and the set and everything. Here, only the people who are somehow connected to the theatre in an official manner (Theatre Majors, people who have their work study in the scene shop, etc) are connected with each other. I'm just the friendly outsider who occasionally appears to volunteer backstage. That and I haven't been able to do it since spring of 2007. Sigh.

On the plus side, I seem to be doing a better job keeping up with homework and things (I know it's only the second week but for me being ahead in my homework is a big shocker).

I also discovered a new musician (well Sybylla did through someone else but still) that I (well we) are currently obsessed with. His name is Mika and listen to my favorite song here.

But now I have to stop procrastinating and do my Evolution homework (and leave this with the discovery I made while daydreaming in the catwalks).

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I've decided that all relationships are like neuronal synapses. In neuronal pathways and synapses, those that aren't often used will eventually disappear, while those used quite often will strengthen and form even more connections. I think all relationships are like this. Not just physical relationships, but familial and platonic ones as well. The more you use your relationship, whether its just going out, hanging out together, chatting or whatever you do, the closer you'll feel to that person, the stronger your bond with them will be. On the flip side, if you stop hanging out, stop chatting and doing things together, stop using your relationship it will slowly whither away and disappear. It makes sense, right? In fact it's so logical there's probably some official word for it out there. But I just officially realized it for myself. Maybe I knew all along and just admitted it.

Unlike neurons, the relationship has to be kept going from both cells. Or people. When one person puts all their efforts into maintaining the relationship, and the other does nothing, the relationship still suffers. The one who tries gets burned out, starts feeling like they're being taken advantage of, and they're right. The one who doesn't try gets to feel like a relationship is being continued without doing any effort at all, without realizing that they are ruining it and letting it drift away. Letting the two drift apart.

But maybe some relationships don't need to be maintained. Maybe some are better off disappearing. And many are simply torn apart, a violent event leaving one or both or all parties temporarily shattered.

But then new relationships are formed and the world turns on.

Anniversary

So one year ago today I posted my first ever internet blog.

http://www.statravelblogs.com/kcoughli/blog/western-australia/perth/2008-02-13+02%3A16%3A38

Of course, as boring as that one is, it was following a thrilling trip across first the western continental US, followed by the massive Pacific Ocean, and lastly across the Australian Island. After so much time in planes and then trying to figure out my situation, not to mention never having written a blog before in my life, I'd say I did rather well.

It mostly saddens me now to think that my writing style hasn't improved any (as far as I can tell) and the topics are getting less interesting as time passes.

Speaking of topics, I should think of some.

Today is Friday the 13th. While I'm not superstitious, it is kind of fun to realize how many people are.

So I've been in Olin hall every day this past week. Yesterday I had to come in at 9 am (my only free time before 4:30) to get the full time staff to fix it. Funny story, I came in and they couldn't find the full time staff and those they could find were busy. I wanted to kick someone. Really hard. But instead I just looked pissed and the student worker who informed me to, yet again, "Come back tomorrow" started getting defensive. Her main line of argument? "Well, at least you don't have to pay for it..." I thought to myself, well actually my $30,000+ tuition is doing a damn good job of paying for it. Not to mention that my computer doesn't actually have a problem logging into wireless in general, its their stupid network that wouldn't let it on. So its not like I even could hire someone else to fix it because it was their problem. Instead I just refused to comment and left.

Also yesterday I went to a talk on Darfur which was thoroughly depressing and then went to watch the Crew View of The Other Shore. A more messed up play I cannot imagine, and I'm hoping the author did not win the Nobel Prize in Literature for this particular piece.

Either way, crew is starting now for the next two weeks so I won't be having much of any free time. I start working there today at 3:30, then tomorrow I get to be at the theatre from 9am until 11pm. Hooray. Not to mention I have no idea when I'm getting out tonight.

But that's pretty much all that's happening in my life. Sitting in Olin now again, watching a full-timer fix my baby.

AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT'S FIXED!!!!!!!!!!

internet woes

So I managed to recover most of my missing objects on Sunday, thanks to Tanner's family and the Koenigs. Tanner's family drove it from Rochester to Mankato, where my wonderful aunt and uncle picked it up and gave it to me.

Backtracking a bit. Saturday was a bit dull, since I didn't have any communication means other than in the computer lab and the Bookmark and the Post Office were closed (so I couldn't even pick up my books).

On Sunday I got my books from the Bookmark and then I headed into St. Peter to buy some shampoo and conditioner. It was a nice day out but all the melting snow makes everything look nasty, brown, and soggy. But I took pictures documenting my walk down and up the GAC hill. Once I got back to Prairie View I checked my email and got online in the lab and got frantic messages from my parents to call Ben (cousin) because he wanted to go snowboarding (while I ski). So I tried to call him (he has a Mankato number so my dorm phone should have worked) but of course now the dorm phones wouldn't even make the local calls. So after some frantic running back and forth between the computer lab and my room I finally got the plans set and headed out to Mount Kato for some good skiing. It was fun and my fear of the Black Diamonds was overcome after about 2 runs. Literally, third run I went down in over a year was a Black Diamond. It was quite fun, but since my skis are still at home (they wouldn't fit in Tanner's car) I was forced to wear rentals which killed my calves after awhile. Finally came back to GAC, fed Ben at the Caf and got to see my roomie. We watched a movie together (the Brothers Grimm) and then went to bed early (around 1am). Didn't get to sleep until after some interesting conversation, topics including livestock birthing stories, but eventually went to sleep.

Got up early (9am) and headed to the PO to pick up my books, then over to get some breakfast at the Caf (I didn't even know they had breakfast!). Then headed to my TA meeting (hooray for cyanobacteria) and then work. Badminton was a let down (just handed out the syllabus and left) and then Evolutionary Biology was interesting but we started right into it. It's the first Bio class in awhile where I'll have to actually try to furiously write down everything because the prof won't post the powerpoints online. Makes it hard to know what's important enough to write down. After that I actually had to be a TA at a lab. One of my freshman buddies from sculpture is in the class and the prof is really cool but I felt sort of strange. They all asked me for help occasionally and I felt like I should have known a lot more than I did (although occasionally I was actually helpful). In the middle I had to leave to go to the generic "Right to Know, Safety etc" meeting and during that time one of the freshmen almost lit himself on fire. I wish I had been there...

So after the lab and after dinner I took my baby (laptop) over to the GAC IT place in Olin and asked them (politely) to fix the broken internet. They tried, and tried, and tried again and couldn't. Eventually the nice student working with me told me to try to bring it in during the day so a full-time staff member could try working on it because he couldn't figure it out.

Which brings me to today. After my fun Women and the Holocaust class and a quick lunch with Syb, Sarah, and Vicki, I took my baby back to GAC IT and again politely asked them to fix it. They tried different things this time but ran out of time (an hour later) and I had to go to class. But can I leave it with them to fix it? Nope. So I went to my Intro to Interactive Media class (which is going to be really awesome as long as the prof slows down a bit during her demonstrations) and then came right back here. I fear that Olin will become a familiar building to me, but I'm hopeful that someone here will figure out what's wrong and finally be able to fix it.

I just heard my laptop make a not-so-good noise (there's a student working on it next to me).

Sigh, my poor baby. It was fine in Rochester... stupid GAC wireless...

This is probably one of my crappiest posts ever, but I've decided to blame it on the fact that I'm currently forced to be on a Mac...

Back to reading about War & Genocide, wish my computer luck!

What else did I forget?

So, I left my book (In a Sunburned Country) out on my bed so I could read it before I left, and forgot it there. I had taken the cashier's check from Wells Fargo (taken out of my savings account to pay for my tuition) out of the Target bag my mom threw it in to make sure it didn't get crushed or damaged and left it wherever "safe" place I set it, I made sure to bring my phone with me and had it in my lap during the drive over (it being on vibrate my lap is more reliable to get to it in time than my pocket is) and left it in the car to be driven back to Rochester, and my skis well the last time I remembered I wanted to bring them back to GAC was earlier this week.

Could I have forgotten anything else? Probably. If anyone has any thoughts feel free to share them.

Also the internet on my laptop has stubbornly refused to work and the phone in my dorm room only makes local (ie Mankato and St.Peter) calls, effectively cutting me off from the rest of the world. Goodbye world, I'm off.

P.S. How often does someone remember their phone charger and forget their phone? I must be special...

Middleground

In the battles between siblings and parents, often the siblings will band together to present a united front against the parents. However, in some battles the logic of the parents serve to wear away the bonds of sisterhood and force one of them to take a more neutral stance, or even fight for both sides.

I have found myself recently in this position. I see both sides to the story and I can't help but agree with both and neither! I fully support expressing individuality in whatever way you choose to, but I also see that the world has specific ideas about what "professional" looks like and how some permanent changes can ruin that image for a person, hurting their chances of being taken professionally, seriously, or otherwise.

So there's ideals and values and then there's reality and they are warring with each other.

And my parents are on one side and my sister is on the other and I'm not sure how to reconcile the two... but I'm doing my damnedest!

No idea where my other sister stands in this battle, seems to me she's content to just sit back and watch how it all plays out.

Enough about that... although I have nothing else of interest to relate. Hmm... oh right! I still haven't gone skiing, haven't done a single painting while home, didn't finish my scrapbook from summer 2003, haven't finished my Teach for America application, or did any of the other piles of things I should have done this break. I always always delude myself into thinking I'll be so productive during this future time and it never pans out. It's like constantly letting myself down but then I get these lofty goals for some other nebulous future and when it yet again fails to occur I just make more goals. Not sure what this says about me, but I guess at least I haven't given up on the goals, whether I fulfill them or not.

By the way, I am currently procrastinating. Yep, back to my old tricks again. I guess it's really just practice for when I get back to school. I set a goal for myself (wow this sounds familiar) of cleaning out my entire room tonight and then moving on to the rest of the house tomorrow - or at least the basement with my scrapbooking stuff all over and getting my packing done.

I got so far as to make my bed and grab all the socks and other things that had fallen between the bed and the wall and then stopped to watch the latest "Heroes" episode. And then I got on Facebook. And then I got on here. And now I'm also updating my OneNote because I finally fell for those stupid Facebook note things - "If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?" I'll post the results of this journey at the end of this post. Meanwhile, I wish I felt inspired to paint, or draw, or futz around on Photoshop, or finish my scrapbook, but I just don't.

I finally finished the Death Gate Cycle by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. I started this a few years ago after finding the first book in a secondhand bookstore. It took me until Australia to find the second one and then I discovered the library had the rest. So I've devoured the last 5 during this break, along with too many other books. Been reading too much and doing too little else.

Ah well, at least I finally learned what happened to the characters.

Today was my last day at Culver's (for awhile at least). It was both a happy and sad day. Happy because I'm very tired of working there, standing all day, cleaning and taking orders and having to smile to rude customers and have people yell at me over something I have absolutely no control over. Sigh.

On the downside of leaving, no more paychecks. It's nice to work and know you're making money (even if it's money you desperately need just to pay upcoming tuition bills). Speaking of which, as per my calculations and assuming I made a certain amount from my upcoming Culver's paycheck, I'm still going to be short tuition about $600. So I am currently accepting donations... heh... yea I'm screwed. And of course that's assuming I completely empty my accounts, leaving nada. On the plus side I should be getting paid for my TA work I'll be doing this semester, probably only 3-4 more hours a week at minimum wage I'm sure but it's better than nothing.

There's a light bulb out in my room. I wonder how long it's been out and I haven't noticed. Hmm...

I wonder what books I should bring back to school with me, not that I really need to be reading my fun books (I should be studying!) but I know I'd regret not bringing some.

Man I'm easily distracted. I'll stop ranting but have to wait to officially publish the post until I find out what song the end credits of the movie of my life will be rolling to...

And here it is:

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your music library

2. Put it on shuffle

3. Press Play

4. For each category, type the song that's playing

5. When you get to the next category, press "Next"

Opening Credits: Dare You to Move - Switchfoot

Waking Up: Just Like a Pill - Pink

First Day at School: You'll Be in My Heart - Phil Collins

Falling in Love: It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down

Fight Song: Get Back - The Beatles

Breaking Up: Everlong - Foo Fighters

Prom: Learning to Breathe - Switchfoot

Life: Just Push Play - Aerosmith

Mental Breakdown: Busted - Matchbox Twenty

Driving: Chow Down - Lion King Broadway Cast

Flashback: Stop - Matchbox Twenty

Getting Back Together: Tango: Maureen - Rent Broadway Cast

Wedding: Hero/Heroine - Boys Like Girls

Birth of Child: Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn

Final Battle: Building a Mystery - Sarah McLachlan

Death Scene: How You Remind Me - Nickelback

Funeral Song: Starlight - Muse

End Credits: You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette

Wonder if that's enlightening... or just a bunch of EotHB...

"excitement"

It's now officially February 2009. Fuck. A year ago I was anxiously packing, unpacking, repacking, checking on my visa, my bank accounts, my passport, and overall getting ready to go across the world to the land Down Under.

How can working at Culver's and fretting about how I'm going to pay for tuition possibly compare? Yes I was a bit nervous about going to Australia but that paled in comparison to my excitement. Now I'm nervous about paying tuition, nervous about what I'm going to do this summer, nervous about what I'm going to do about my life, and nervous that I'm so incredibly lazy that I'll never figure it out! And what excitement do I have to dull that nervousness? The excitement of going back to finish 16 years of non-stop education, homework, reading textbooks, writing papers, and last-minute cramming for exams. This, my friends, is a sarcastic version of "excitement."

I'm so wound up all the time worrying and thinking and planning and replanning that eventually the way I cope is to ignore it. Maybe if I don't think about it it will just go away and my life will just figure itself out. That is not the correct way to think about things. Doing this will land me working full time at Culver's for the next 5 years, and while I like the people there well enough, I refuse to become a lifer.

I need to take drastic control of my life and get it in hand. Or maybe I will tomorrow, or the next day, or I'll do it over J-term, or I'll do it when I go back to school. Dozens of delaying tactics I use time and again to avoid doing the inevitable.

I need to work on my resume, start figuring out plans for myself, potentially studying for the GRE, finishing my Teach for America application (even though I'm not so keen on that anymore). And instead of doing all these things, I work at Culver's, sleep, watch movies, dink around on the internet, and most of all lately I've been reading. Reading tons of sci fi/fantasy books, and mostly fantasy if I'm being brutally honest. Dragons and magic and war and strife and love and romance and heroes and heroines. And sometimes I really really wish life would just take control over me like it does for these characters and force me into some sort of action or situation and then it wouldn't matter anymore that my resume sucks or that I didn't apply to grad school because I didn't know what I wanted from it.

I saw Underworld: Rise of the Lycans on Thursday with my dad. We both thought we sat too close to the screen because it was a huge screen and the action was so fast and intense it hurt our eyes to try to follow it. And it was a very action-oriented movie, not so much dialogue but plenty of special effects and gore. It was only an hour and a half long though (seriously, the previews started at 5:30 and the end credits were rolling at 7... really short).

Then tonight after work mom and I went to go see Gran Torino. Now that was an excellent movie and Clint Eastwood was politico-incorrectly hilarious. Being the one white guy surrounded by a neighborhood full of Asians reminded me of someone... :P

Drove to the cat house tonight after that. Caught a glimpse of the moon, just a sliver on the bottom half of it, hanging low in the sky. It was very pretty, and with the stars around it in the clear winter air it made me very contemplative. Staring at the stars is always a wonderful experience for me; it's peaceful and awe-inspiring and gives cause for introspection. In other words, I like stargazing a lot.

Once I got here I set up my computer for a bit of Pandora-supplied tunes and then sat down and finished the Dragonvarld trilogy (by Margaret Weis). Now, I'm updating my blog as I've intended to do for awhile. But really, when there's nothing new or exciting happening in your life it's hard to give enough of a damn about it to type it out.