The human brain is a marvelous thing. And I'm not just saying that because of all the crazy cool things I've learned about in Neurobiology (although really, damn the brain is smart!).
Mostly what I'm referring to is the magical quality our brains have of being able to take a bad situation and, with a lot of willpower, find a way to make it amusing. Basically walling off all the negative emotions associated with the situation and choosing to, and therefore seeing, the situation as merely humorous. Another tactic is to literally convince yourself that the situation is deep in the past, so far that it can no longer affect you emotionally. And finally you can just pretend it never happened, that whatever bad thing occurred, never really occurred.
And so my brain has been occupied for a good part of last night and most of today convincing itself of really all three of these techniques. So far, it seems to be working! I'd say the wall analogy is most accurate at the moment. Sometimes the wall gets a little wobbly and pieces of negative energy or memories leak out through the wall and affect my happy self. So the wall is a work in progress, but so far I think it's progressing rather well!
Sometimes I consider vengeance as a method for diverting the negative thoughts and emotions, but eventually I realize that it wouldn't really solve anything, nor make me feel better in the end.
I wish there was a way to just take all the negative and release it and never have to think about it or feel it again.
Right now, the wall is getting more and more wobbly, but at least I'm trying. I'm good at hiding my emotions from the world (for the most part), now I just need to learn how to hide them from my conscious self.
Music helps I've found. Especially if it's loud and fun and I can sing along to it. For instance, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" is playing now and it's doing me wonders.
And good old Foo Fighters are always helpful. Only band I've seen in concert! Good thing they kick ass.
So as far as future plans go, for the moment they are up in the air. But I have these ideas, so many ideas! Most involve working for at least the summer, more likely a year or two. But after that I want to travel, like long term travel or vacation. I want to go through Europe (maybe kidnap a Dane I know on the way), then down to Africa (Egypt especially, and perhaps S. Africa and Madagascar), then over to Australia (eventually see New Zealand as well).
So just had an interesting convo. with my sister - ending with laughter and uncontrollably contagious yawning (contagious via webcam!). That was fun.
And now it's time for me to stop putting off homework and just do it!
PS - I've just thought of something. Is it a worthy fate to sacrifice your own happiness for the happiness of another? What I mean to say is, if one person can only be happy through your own suffering, is it worth it? Does that make your suffering and sacrifice more worthwhile, and thus less of a sacrifice? Questions...