Today has not been quite so fun. While attempting to act lighthearted and happy, inside all I can think about is why can't I go back to 6 months ago? My coworkers are gone so there's no one I can chat with about these sorts of things, it's raining outside, my roommate wants me to get rid of Mal, and Tom no longer wants to talk to me, see me, love me, be with me. Not to mention I haven't been sleeping or eating well lately. Yay depression!
Yesterday after work I went to the VA employee fitness center and took out my frustrations on the exercise equipment there. It gave me a good endorphin high right up until the time my roommate told me I had to get rid of my mouse, and then I crashed again. Seriously this emotional roller coaster is grinding away at my nerves!
I wish today I could go on another first date with Tom, change the TV show and the movie maybe, but just start over with him and watch it work out better this time.
Don't hate me for that please. I know all of you are sick and tired of me whining about how I want Tom back and everyone has attempted to convince me that we need time and space and if it's meant to work out it will, but today was supposed to be a special day. And all I want is that back. I want to make a taco ring and snuggle up on the couch with him and watch TV together as it rains outside.
Whatever I want to do, is the wrong thing to do. What my emotions are telling me to do will only further hurt myself and the others who have to deal with the broken version of me.
It must be nice to have a rebound ready to go when you end it with someone. Then you can transfer all your feelings and emotional ties from the old to the new and not have to deal with the heartbreak and loneliness in between.
I miss his smile. I miss his being happy and excited to talk to me.
Why can't someone invent me a time machine already?
2 comments:
=/ im sorry
Sorry, Kat. *hugs*
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