It was perpetuated when I met Hannah and we walked to DQ, then through the park, then back to my house to watch Matrix Reloaded. We got through most of it before we had to jump back on the light rail so she could get to work and I could get bedding for Kaylee and Mal's cage.
And then on the light rail home... the crash hit.
I'm sorry! I thought I could be fine and move on but... well I guess I'm not ready yet.
So y'all can stop reading if you want, I just have to purge my emotional baggage somewhere, and better here than... well somewhere else.
I guess I know now why it was so easy for him to break up with me, and to get over me. He must have had someone waiting in the wings, maybe multiple someones, just ready and willing to step into my spot. He won't have to deal with both the heartache and the loneliness. Apparently he's already moved on.
I may have made light of that fact in my earlier post (I still can't believe I'm posting twice in one day). But it hurts. It hurts a lot.
I don't know why I believed him when he said he just didn't want a relationship. Obviously he was trying to spare my feelings or hide the fact that he was just an ass. I really believed him though, maybe because I wanted to. Maybe because I believed I still had a chance.
I still want to believe that, what's wrong with me?
I've got the conflicts of brain and emotions again, although the brain was given a lot more ammo last night.
I hurt a lot right now.
How can someone just throw 5 months down the drain? Okay, 5 months isn't that long, but we spent practically every day together...
ouch
my heart hurts
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